I think about the amount of growth I have done over the last couple of years and realize how far I have come. Or at least I think I realize it! But then there are days like today and I think, Holy Crap! What am I doing? This isn’t me! This isn’t something I can do and feel like this!
Let me explain….
I have social anxieties, I am actually a walking contradiction, I am a social butterfly with horrible social anxieties! I don’t use the phone, even to talk to people I know, I don’t meet people out places by myself (doesn’t matter if I have been there before and meeting people I know), I use ATM’s because I don’t know how to use the people in the bank, I don’t enjoy trying new things, the thought of change makes me uncomfortable. I am routine based girl that doesn’t like surprises because they make plans change!
Since I started coaching I have met someone I had never met before, out at a place I had never been to, trying foods I never imagined eating. I met an entire group of ladies in a part of town I had never been to and on the way home when I was talking on the phone to another coach, she commented about how surprised she was that I did that! I didn’t realize it was a big deal until I thought about it. My biggest fear and hurdle is still the phone, so in one of my challenge groups I asked for everyone’s phone numbers and told them that I had to call them by a certain time. So I wasn’t perfect, I made all the excuses in the world why I was unable to do it but about 12 hours late I decided to face my fears and make the calls! Another battle won for me!
Now dealing with change, as my four-year-old would say, “Uggghh!” Who likes change? I like to have a plan of what my day looks like and stick to it, as much as you can with four boys. I thought this was a good thing and never saw the downside until I realized I was also saying no to things because it messed up my plans. I was missing out on fun things with friends and family because I had plans which usually were housework, laundry, working out, nothing spectacular. I realized how unfair I was being to my kids. I started to realize I had to live in the moment. Who cares if the house isn’t perfectly clean when you were able to spend the time having fun in the river. My kids are ok if they have to wear socks that they had worn for an hour the day before if we got to go see a movie. Live in the moment, Live in the Moment, Live In the Moment, Live In The Moment! I have had to remind myself on numerous occasions, it isn’t something that is natural for me but I am realizing it is something that is so worth it!
That brings me to today! I am flying alone to Nashville, meeting so many people I don’t know, in a place I have never been and I didn’t have any anxieties leading up to this point. I have been lucky enough to get a pass to fly from my brother who is a pilot. One small catch, flying standby. I could not fly directly to Nashville because that flight was full. I decided to fly into Dallas then I booked a flight into Nashville. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but I only have an hour between flights and when I got to the gate for Dallas it shows you where you are on the standby list and how full the flight is supposed to be. When I got to the gate with over an hour too spare and saw the standby list and I was number 6 out of 6 and there were three seats that weren’t booked my heart started to race. It was at that moment I thought to myself, I will get on this flight! If I don’t get on this flight I can go home to my family and try again tomorrow or just go home to my family. Whatever happens there really is no point getting all worked up about it! So I sat and read a book until my name was called and I was assigned a seat.
Once I got on the flight and realized what I had just done is when I realized just how far I have come! I can do anything; I just have to live in the moment! Living in the past may cause you to become depressed, living in the future may bring on anxieties, living in the moment is where you will find true peace and happiness!
LIVE IN THE MOMENT